AMEN in 2012

Well, thank goodness that's over. I hate presidential elections, for so many reasons. It saturates the tv, there's so much meanness and confrontation, everyone has an opinion (usually based on misinformation--Obama's a Muslim, anyone?) and in the end nothing really changes anyway. I remember when Jimmy Carter left office and Ronald Reagan took over. I was 5 years old and cried my eyes out. I could not understand why we were going through all this fluff, when we had a perfectly alive president already in place.

If I learned anything in American National Government my sophomore year of college, it was that a president is largely a figurehead and meant to shape the image of the country. Well, I learned that and that there are some really cute Government professors at the U of A. I digress. Anyway, Since the old taunt, If you think you can do it better, go ahead! is certainly valid, here's what I'd do if I were elected president:

1. Make a law that no one could call our country "America" any more. We are the United States of America. Do you know how mad people who live in other American countries get when we do that? Rightfully so.

2. Insist that the Department of Transportation get rid of all roundabouts on roadways as quickly as possible.

3. Invite the leaders of all middle Eastern countries to the White House for a Wii tournament and pizza. Let them get their aggression out in a safe environment, then hash out the problems over a Meat Lover's.

4. Charge a 50% tax on all luxury boats and private airplanes. If you can afford that stuff, you can afford the taxes.

5. Buy the rest of the Virgin Islands from the British. Why do we own half and they own half? It's silly.

6. Deliver my State of the Union addresses on David Letterman.

7. Abolish caucuses and the electoral college. Who thought those up?

8. Require price tags to state the price of an item AFTER tax. I think we're the only country in the world that doesn't do this already.

9. Appoint only mothers to be on my cabinet. High stress jobs with little glory and even less sleep where your main function is to keep peace and appease a bunch of whiners? No problem for mamas.

10. Outlaw all of the following: skinny jeans, spiral perms, spam (both the food and the emails), okra, that obnoxious plastic that half of all consumer products are sold in now that you have to use a chainsaw to remove, buying stuff you don't have enough money to buy (radical concept), dust, #3 pencils (really, there's no need), Tom Cruise, platform shoes and LSU. Yep, that should do it.

Got any other suggestions for my platform?