Thursday, April 22, 2010


We are three weeks away from having The Boy Who Has Yet To Be Named. Time is picking up speed with alarming velocity. We've made progress in many areas, thank goodness, but others are still horrifically lacking. Here are some updates:

- We bought a minivan. This makes me very, VERY happy. It's an Odyssey and it's tricked OUT. I love a new car smell SO much, and nothing's better than the first whiff. I actually prepare myself right before getting in, and take the hugest breath possible right after I open the door. I look like a complete idot, but I'm high off the smell of leather so I don't care. So! We now have a way to transport all three children and the both of us at once safely and legally. Check that off the list.

- This past weekend my brother Jacob, his wife Patty and our three nephews came to visit. We had a wonderful time. Saturday night we had planned a date night. Our church's amazing Ms. Debbie usually does date nights once every weekend, so we were going to leave all the kids at the church with her and go out for a grown up dinner where no crayons would be present on the table. We got to the church to drop off the kids, and I walked into the main room to see about 60 people standing there, all yelling "SURPRISE!". I think anyone who witnessed my reaction can tell you that I am not exaggerating when I say I completely spazzed out. I had NO idea. My clever and wonderful friend Marla had me believing all along that she was throwing me a shower this coming weekend, thus throwing me completely off the scent of the real deal. I could not breathe for about 20 minutes. Everyone thought I was going into labor. I had a great time, and Matt and I are still talking about what a special night it was. We got lots of thoughtful presents, including some diapers--which made the first diapers that we have for this baby. Not very responsible of us, but still! We can check that off the list too.

- About 15 minutes ago, I finished clearing out the room that was Ethan's and will now be the baby's room/house playroom. It's going to be in interesting experience in space sharing. It really needed to get done, because A) the presents from the shower are currently piled on my dining room table and B) you know, he comes in three weeks and all.

- I can't remember if I've already talked about this on here, but Ethan and Abby are now sharing Abby's old room. We painted it and put in bunk beds. I was sure this was going to be the source of multiple bodily injuries for both children, but so far we're doing pretty good--Ethan has fallen out of his bed twice (but he's on bottom so it didn't hurt too bad) and Abby got startled while Matt and I were checking on them after they were asleep one night and stood straight up (since she is on the top bunk, this unfortunately meant a collision between her head and the ceiling, but my girl has a STRONG head and was fine). Other than that it's actually working out really nicely.

We have a LOT more to do in the next 21 days, but I'm feeling marginally less overwhelmed. Now if I could only get everyone to leave me alone about this baby name thing*.

* NO, we do not have a name for him yet. YES, I am telling the truth. NO, we do not really have a name but pretend not to just to throw people off. NO, it does not bother us that we haven't named him yet. YES, we will probably wait until he's born to name him.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Fun with Facebook

I fully realize that this blog entry might upset some people. After all, I am broaching a subject that people take very seriously, something that many of my friends spend more time thinking about each day than their families or jobs.

Facebook status updates.

I have been on Facebook for a while now, long enough that I consider myself a proficient user. I log on multiple times a day and read all my friends' news. I also make regular status updates of my own. I was hesitant for the longest time to use Facebook, but I must admit I love the way it has kept me updated on the lives of most of my friends and family.

Now. Anyone who knows me at all will tell you that I have just about zero tolerance for unoriginality, corniness and stating the obvious. Please understand that I know that this is not normal, and that a certain amount of the blame lies with me and NOT with the people committing these types of acts. That said, I have, over my time on Facebook, come up with a list of things that I will NEVER do on my Facebook status update.

I recognize that I'm treading on very thin ice here. I figure that I am Facebook friends with about 90% of the people who read this blog. Of those people, I'm estimating that at least 70% of them have done at LEAST one of the things I'm about to list as things I would never do. My hope is that people will see the humor in my cranky ways and not be offended. Hey, maybe even I'll dig up a prize for the person who admits to committing the most Don'ts! Well, we'll see. Love it or hate it, here we go.

1. I will never comment on the weather. This doesn't bother me a ton when it's something benign like "It's a beautiful day!" But when we had that freak snowstorm in March? I saw at least 30 updates that said within a few words of exactly this: "Snow on the first day of spring! What's going on?" It snowed. On the first day of spring. This is unusual. I get it.

2. I will never phrase my status update as a letter to someone/something. Examples: Dear electric bill, why are you so high? Sincerely, Me." or "Dear Sun, I miss you! Where are you? Please come visit me soon! Love, Me." (for the last example, reference also #1. Double no-no.)

3. I will never curse. Not even the B-grade curse words. I don't curse anyway, but even if I did I wouldn't do it on Facebook. It doesn't exactly scream classy. Or original.

4. I will never describe what I just ate, simply for the purpose of describing what I just ate. And any time that an update does merit a food mention, I will never use the words "yum" or "yummy."

5. I will never LOL. NEVER. And I will definitely never LOLOLOL. What does that mean anyway? Laugh out loud out loud out loud?

6. I will never describe any private medical or personal hygiene issues, of myself or other people. You're not going to be seeing breastfeeding updates or dirty diaper descriptions from me.

7. I will never make a political statement. Not even close. I won't touch them with a 10 foot pole. I think I'm allergic to them.

8. I will never use song lyrics as a status update. Unless they are part of a really clever message.

9. I will never copy and paste someone else's status update as my own just because their status update says I should. Even if by not doing so, I am showing the world that I don't love God/my family/my country.

10. I will never use my status update to ask for barn walls, horses, aquariums, roof poles, or any other such nonsense. I don't play any of those Facebook games, but even if I did, status updates are no place to beg.

11. I will never use cryptic statements. Examples: "Why do some people enjoy being hurtful?" "Something big's about to change for me--I'm nervous!" "I am shocked." Really. If you have something to tell, tell it. If not, then keep on moving. Facebook is not a big game of Guess That Drama.

So, have I offended everyone yet? Anyone still speaking to me? Anyone going back to look at how many of these things you've done in the last 24 hours? Don't worry--I don't claim to be any sort of authority on what's cool, so pay no mind to my opinion. And don't think that I don't know that there are at least 2 of you (you know who you are) who are at this every second trying to figure out a status update that will incorporate as many of these things as possible in an attempt to make me crazy. Go for it. You can't phase me. It's a beautiful day, and I have a yummy dinner waiting for me.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Things That Happened at Wal Mart Today That Should NOT have Happened

1. They were out of plastic Easter eggs. On the day before Easter. Smooth move, store purchasers.

2. The wonderful woman who took my sandwich tray order over the phone this morning also retrieved my order for me when I got there. Only she was a man named Collin. He didn't seem perturbed by the fact that I had called him ma'am at least 5 times on the phone, but I'm a little nervous to eat the turkey all the same.

3. Four employees were stocking the bread aisle, creating a massive bottleneck. At 2:00 on a Saturday afternoon, the day before a major holiday. I think the stock managers are competing with the purchasers for some sort of inefficiency award.