Monday, April 12, 2010

Fun with Facebook

I fully realize that this blog entry might upset some people. After all, I am broaching a subject that people take very seriously, something that many of my friends spend more time thinking about each day than their families or jobs.

Facebook status updates.

I have been on Facebook for a while now, long enough that I consider myself a proficient user. I log on multiple times a day and read all my friends' news. I also make regular status updates of my own. I was hesitant for the longest time to use Facebook, but I must admit I love the way it has kept me updated on the lives of most of my friends and family.

Now. Anyone who knows me at all will tell you that I have just about zero tolerance for unoriginality, corniness and stating the obvious. Please understand that I know that this is not normal, and that a certain amount of the blame lies with me and NOT with the people committing these types of acts. That said, I have, over my time on Facebook, come up with a list of things that I will NEVER do on my Facebook status update.

I recognize that I'm treading on very thin ice here. I figure that I am Facebook friends with about 90% of the people who read this blog. Of those people, I'm estimating that at least 70% of them have done at LEAST one of the things I'm about to list as things I would never do. My hope is that people will see the humor in my cranky ways and not be offended. Hey, maybe even I'll dig up a prize for the person who admits to committing the most Don'ts! Well, we'll see. Love it or hate it, here we go.

1. I will never comment on the weather. This doesn't bother me a ton when it's something benign like "It's a beautiful day!" But when we had that freak snowstorm in March? I saw at least 30 updates that said within a few words of exactly this: "Snow on the first day of spring! What's going on?" It snowed. On the first day of spring. This is unusual. I get it.

2. I will never phrase my status update as a letter to someone/something. Examples: Dear electric bill, why are you so high? Sincerely, Me." or "Dear Sun, I miss you! Where are you? Please come visit me soon! Love, Me." (for the last example, reference also #1. Double no-no.)

3. I will never curse. Not even the B-grade curse words. I don't curse anyway, but even if I did I wouldn't do it on Facebook. It doesn't exactly scream classy. Or original.

4. I will never describe what I just ate, simply for the purpose of describing what I just ate. And any time that an update does merit a food mention, I will never use the words "yum" or "yummy."

5. I will never LOL. NEVER. And I will definitely never LOLOLOL. What does that mean anyway? Laugh out loud out loud out loud?

6. I will never describe any private medical or personal hygiene issues, of myself or other people. You're not going to be seeing breastfeeding updates or dirty diaper descriptions from me.

7. I will never make a political statement. Not even close. I won't touch them with a 10 foot pole. I think I'm allergic to them.

8. I will never use song lyrics as a status update. Unless they are part of a really clever message.

9. I will never copy and paste someone else's status update as my own just because their status update says I should. Even if by not doing so, I am showing the world that I don't love God/my family/my country.

10. I will never use my status update to ask for barn walls, horses, aquariums, roof poles, or any other such nonsense. I don't play any of those Facebook games, but even if I did, status updates are no place to beg.

11. I will never use cryptic statements. Examples: "Why do some people enjoy being hurtful?" "Something big's about to change for me--I'm nervous!" "I am shocked." Really. If you have something to tell, tell it. If not, then keep on moving. Facebook is not a big game of Guess That Drama.

So, have I offended everyone yet? Anyone still speaking to me? Anyone going back to look at how many of these things you've done in the last 24 hours? Don't worry--I don't claim to be any sort of authority on what's cool, so pay no mind to my opinion. And don't think that I don't know that there are at least 2 of you (you know who you are) who are at this every second trying to figure out a status update that will incorporate as many of these things as possible in an attempt to make me crazy. Go for it. You can't phase me. It's a beautiful day, and I have a yummy dinner waiting for me.

20 comments:

Julianna said...

I believe that I posted once that I had a voodoo doll and I wasn't afraid to use it. That said, I know I've posted regarding dinner and homemade bread cooking in the oven (oops!) So, how about we say, B+ for oringinality 50% of the time?

Alanna said...

I'm agreeing with (almost) everything - though I have to admit I am guilty of at least one. I too will never LOL, unless that counts...oops!

Purple Cow said...

So that said, what DO you status about? I think there's nothing left...

Hilarious post though. LOLOLOLOL!

Lindsey said...

Wow Nance, you described me to a T.

With that being said, the weather is absolutely lovely outside-I’m shocked! It finally feels like Spring. I want to write mother nature a letter; so far I have “Dear Freaking Mother Nature, where have you been hiding the shockingly nice weather? Love Me.” Before I forget to remember, eating dinner with yall the other night was fun-the Salmon was yummy! LOLLOL! The asparagus did make my urine smell, though. LOL. Maybe the Republicans in our government can get a law passed to allow everyone to have free animals for Farmville, lol! Go tell it on the mountain! Lol! Sometimes I wonder why other people are so vague about what they say!

Sarah said...

You do realize that you have put a big bullseye on your forehead. Everyone who reads this will be on the lookout for your first slip-up. Not me. Of course. But everyone else :)

P.S. Do we know "Purple Cow"? I need to be friends with that person. Like, now.

Karyn said...

This is the first time I've come across your blog and it must be fate! I agree with your list of never-dos, and I pledge to never commit them.

Sunshine and Shadows said...

I agree with you. Good post.

Eman Manalo said...

Hi, I just found your Blog and i found it interesting. I just finished a blog which is kinda similar, you can check it at http://mandible6ph.blogspot.com/2010/04/top-10-most-annoying-things-about.html


PEACE!

Eman Manalo said...

Hi, I just found your Blog and i think it's interesting. I just finished a blog which is kinda similar, you can check it at http://mandible6ph.blogspot.com/2010/04/top-10-most-annoying-things-about.html


PEACE!

suenosdeuomi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jilly Fish said...

The joys of Facebook huh?
I'm guilty of being cryptic on occasion but I agree with your rules.
They should implement them officially.

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Bee's Go Buzz said...

very understandable. i wouldn't say any of that bothers me to a point, except for the politics issue. i have talking about politics in general with anyone, it always seems to be a touchy issue. another is religion. i guess they both go hand in hand when talking to people you don't really know, too.

either way, bravo. i agree.

whoisnell said...

hahaha.. i don't do status update at all.. having said that, i respect individual's choice to post whatever they want on the facebook.. after all it's all about social networking..
^*^

jojo recaƱa said...

I enjoyed reading, I believed I did some of those but I realized its no good to divulged much of ourselves in facebook. Now, I deleted most of my updates including pics specially that my Boss is also my facebook friends. I have to be safe.

Random Blog Stalker said...

I totally agree that all these status updates are just lacking originality... Then again, facebook hasn't made any changes to the status update box that allows users to use different fonts or adding emoticons, etc. in the same way you'd compose emails... they probably won't be doing anything else to make things more eye-catching. Plain, boring text, marginally emphasized by useless punctuations...

But that is why you have this blog, so I'm glad that you clarified that in the end.

well, peace.

Ann said...

This is hysterical!!!

SoftVoiceofEva said...

I totally agree with you on the FB stuff!