Friday, November 19, 2010

The Conversation Between Me and My Four Year Old Son On The Way Home From A Birthday Party Last Night

Me: Did you have fun at the party?

E: Yes. When are we going to go to the North Pole?

Me: Well, we can't go to the North Pole. Santa's getting ready for Christmas, and we would distract him.

E: We can help!

Me: Oh no, only elves can help Santa.

E: We can be elves!

Me: That would be cool, but God created us to be people, not elves.

E: He made people to be people and elves to be elves?

Me: Yep.

E: And puppies to be puppies and babies to be babies?

Me: Yep.

E: What about buildings?

Me: Well, God gave people the abilities to make buildings.

E: Which ones did you make?

Me: Er, none of them. I haven't made any buildings. Some people make buildings, not all people.

E: Who made Chuck E. Cheese's building?

Me: I don't know.

E: I want to build a building.

Me: Well, when you are a grown up you can.

E: Okay. When are we going to go bowling?

Me: I don't know--maybe sometime soon. That would be fun.

E: But it might be too loud.

Me: Nah, it's not too bad.

E: Okay. But I want to go to the moon.

Me: Do you now?

E: Except aliens might eat me.

Me: What makes you think aliens eat people?

E: Because before I was born when I lived in heaven I saw an alien hide in a bag and grab a person that we don't know and eat them.

Me: Oh my goodness.

E: So I don't want an alien to eat me.

Me: I certainly understand that.

E: Mom?

Me: Yes?

E: Can we not talk any more until we get home?

Me: That will be just fine, son. Just fine.

Monday, November 15, 2010

iPhone Photo Fun

I've slacked a little with the photo posts, but let's be honest. No one's surprised there.

My kids with a giant chicken. And? Doesn't this happen to your kids all the time? I mean, who DOESN'T have a picture of their kids hugging a chicken?

This is Ethan, in the middle of a furniture store, making himself at home. We were shopping for bunk beds and we let him bring his Leapster so he would have something to do besides climbing on stuff. It worked--he plopped right down in this lovely chair, dirty shoes and all, and played away. It nearly gave the salesman a heart attack.

I love my grandmother. We were cleaning out a closet in her guest room and found this hat. I plopped it on her head and took a picture, and she had the grace not to yell at me about it. I think she totally rocks the hat.

These are our good friends Jake, Amy and Chad after our church's rummage sale this summer. Chad is the one sticking out his tongue. Chad is our preacher. Our services, as you might imagine, are super serious.

This was the hallway we had to walk down to get to our room at the Bellagio in Las Vegas this spring. The hallways at Vegas hotels are all like this. Endless. Forget bribing the check-in person to give you a room with a good view--if you ever go to Vegas, ask for a room within a half mile of the elevators.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Things about me that would probably not be true if I did not have a 4 year old son

1. I know that Hulk and Spiderman, while both on the same side, have significant tension and have fought each other.

2. I can tell when "I didn't do it" is true or false.

3. Straightening up the living room might involve picking up Buzz Lightyear, a dinosaur, 2 pair of Transformers underwear, 5 socks (never an even number) and a glue stick that is missing most of its glue.

4. I spend a lot of my time in public places apologizing for someone else--Sorry he bumped into you! Sorry that pen narrowly missed your head! Sorry my son thought your purse was a trash can! Sorry!

5. I say "excuse you" in response to another's burps more often than I have to say "excuse me" for my own.

6. I buy fruit snacks in bulk.

7. I can explain the landscapes on each level of Mario Brothers for Wii.

8. I know that no amount of logic, bribing, threatening, arguing, pleading, or ignoring will make a 4 year old eat something he doesn't want to eat.

9. I know that Aaron doesn't seem to mind having all of his toys piled on top of his face "so he can reach them really easy."

10. Before I fall asleep at night, when I am not worrying about my daughter's teenage years, I am worrying about what was done with that glue stick.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Things about me that would probably not be true if I did not have a 7 year old daughter

1. I know the difference between Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato.
2. I know how to determine if a stomachache is real or fake.
3. Straightening up the living room might involve picking up a Barbie, a glitter pen, several pair of Old Navy flip flops, a ponytail holder and 17 Silly Bandz.
4. I regularly participate in a play session of Beauty Shop that results in my hair being weighed down with about 28 hair bows, bobby pins barrettes and clippies.
5. I check more addition problems each week than I DID when I was in second grade.
6. I buy Capri Suns in bulk.
7. The most-played song in my car is Hey Soul Sister. We listen to it EVERY. Time. We get. In. The car.
8. I am elevated to hero status by securing McDonald's for dinner.
9. I struggle to explain why a pink shirt goes with brown pants, but a pink shirt does not go with pants that are a different shade of pink than the shirt.
10. I spend a fair amount of the time between when I lay down at night and the time I fall asleep panicking about the teenage years.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sweet relief

WOW, am I glad that's over.

I hate election season for about a million different reasons. I hate campaign ads. I hate my local news being dominated by campaign stories. I really, really hate recorded telephone calls from candidates. And I hate losing my normally regular, level headed friends to political frenzy.

I learned from an expert to be cynical about politics. When I took Intro to Poli Sci in college, it was one of my favorite classes. This had nothing to do, I assure you, with the fact that my teacher was one good looking dude. That was why I sat in the front row, but not why I liked the class. I liked it because I learned how government is really run, and how far that reality is from what most people think.

I know people who equate the results of this election with the rescue from certain death and despair, and people who think it is the beginning of the end. Here's the thing: it's neither. Now we have a split Congress full of people on the far right and the far left, and a president that many Americans would believe anything they got an email forward about. You know what's going to happen in our government in the next couple of years? Very, very little. I mean next to nothing. No one will be able to accomplish anything, so things will stay the way they are.

I know people will think I'm apathetic, that I don't care about our government, blah blah. Not true at ALL. I just think it's unnecessary to get worked up about results that, in the end, are not going to produce that many new results at all. It's not healthy! Everyone just calm down. It's not good for your blood pressure! Now don't anybody go getting all sassy on my comments and lecturing me on why I'm wrong. Start your own blog if you want to, but this is mine and I'm always right here.

When the presidential election ended 2 years ago, I wrote a similar post describing my distaste for politics. I also explored the possibility of running for office myself in couple of years. If you don't recall, here is the post. I still think this is a really feasible plan. If I decide to go for it, you'll all be at the top of my recorded phone call list.