Monday, September 24, 2007

I pity the fools

I do not suffer fools lightly. This isn't a problem all the time, but it makes going to football games particularly difficult, since there seems to be an overabundance of fools at sporting events.

We sit in kind of expensive seats at Razorback stadium, which spares us from exposure to the obnoxious fraternity boys. However, apparently some fools can afford the good seats. We spent most of the game on Saturday seated in front of the MOST annoying couple on the PLANET. I remember them from last year, but then they were behind and down from us. This time my seat was directly in between and in front of them--it was like stupid in stereo. Let me just list the ways they made me crazy:

1) They showed up with extreme noise and hubbub halfway through the second quarter. Some of their friends were already there, and they explained loud enough for the referees to hear that they were late because their son's flag football game was scheduled for that afternoon. Whatever, just sit down and watch the rest of the game.

2) They were drunk when they got there, and kept right on going. This led me to wonder: did they get drunk before their son's football game? During his game? Or perhaps just on the ride from his game to the stadium?

3) They spent the entire game, the ENTIRE game, having conversations about things completely unrelated to football. Unfortunately, the conversations were held at ear-splitting level. Seriously, the wife was especially bad--she SCREAMED every word out of her mouth. She also found herself waaay funnier than anyone else did.

4) Their two annoying, dirty, fidgety children never actually sat in their seats. They spent the entire time hanging and climbing on the railing on the aisle, blocking the view for no less than 10 people. The daughter had on a Spongebob hat and a foam finger, and had a pretzel hanging out of her mouth the entire time. Precious. The parents completely ignored them.

5) At one point, the father announced for no apparent reason that the Razorbacks were ranked 17th. Really? I pointed out that we were not, in fact, ranked after our loss to Alabama, and he argues right back. Okay, just because you were too drunk to remember the Alabama game doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Were it not for Patty's calming influence, Matt's mortification that I might make a scene, and my need for good blog material, I would have likely gone over the back of my seat at them before the 4th quarter. They were saved this time, but Patty won't be there next time, and I'll have already blogged about these people--Matt may just have to suffer for the cause. Trust me, Razorback stadium would be a better place for my efforts.


Anonymous said...

Yeah, that Alabama game can slip your mind pretty if you need any help with those people, just let me know...I just hate it when a few people ruin an event for everyone else. It's no fun, but I'm pretty sure you could handle them if you had to. Maybe they will give their tickets away for the next game and you can have a nice normal game experience.

g brown said...

When you finish with them, could you come over to my section and take care of the sorority girls who drank an entire bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine and were so vocally "buzzed' they screamed on one horrible note the fight song and other annoying tidbits (not necessarily related to the game) throught the entire game.

Mandy said...

I was actually amazed that you were able to exercise such restraint. You really just described the tip of the iceberg with those people. And in response to a previous poster - they will not be giving up their seats any time soon. They were so proud of the fact that they had those seats - they have had them for 7 years (one might ask how I know that but only if you haven't read Nancy's post). Another person sitting close to us asked if they would be selling any (they apparently have 6 or more). To which she said "No way - we are trying to get more" Great - just what we need - friends :)

Anonymous said...

Maybe at the next game you'll get lucky and one of them will do something really offensive. Then you can get them escorted out of the fun would that be! :) I wonder how badly one has to behave for them to take away reserve seats for the rest of the season, and maybe future seasons?


Outnumbered said...

As one who was seated next to you, I both appreciate you restraint, and applaud the plot you are developing to correct "the problem!" Next game, we will move over to our other seats... if they are available!