Sunday, March 15, 2009

Read at your own risk

WARNING: This blog entry is graphic. It deals with child illness and really gross stuff. I considered watering it down, but that really doesn't do the story justice. So I am keeping it real, and if you start to get queasy at ALL, stop reading immediately. Return in a couple of days when the content will be a little easier to stomach.

Last night, we were getting ready to put the kids to bed. I had just finished reading a book to Ethan, and Abby brought hers over to me. Ethan cleverly went to his dad to get a second reading. They were (thankfully) in the leather chair, about 3 pages in, when Ethan--with no warning whatsoever--spit up a little. Matt yelped and I jumped up to get a towel. I was three steps in when Ethan let loose with the largest volume of vomit I have ever seen come out of one person (except for the time Abby threw up watching American Idol and sprayed the walls of three rooms of our house, which is another story). Unfortunately the last thing he had eaten was Oreos, so it was all black, which is really creepy. Matt (who is normally pretty chill about such things) was really grossed out. I kind of lost my sensibilities for a second and rather than running for a bath towel, I for some reason went to the kitchen and grabbed 12 dish towels and dumped them on top of Matt and Ethan and the pile-o-vomit. It didn't help much, though it did provide another surface for him to soil with his second large spray.

Matt was turning greener by the minute, and I certainly didn't want him to contribute to the rapidly accumulating puke, so I grabbed Ethan under his arms and held him out as far away from me as I could. I bolted for the bathroom, praying the entire time that he was done. I started the bath and got him undressed (if there is something more difficult than trying to undress a squirmy boy whose clothes are covered in throw-up while trying not to get it all over yourself, I don't want to know about it). He acted like nothing had happened and played away in the bath. Matt had changed and was working at cleaning up the chair, floor, and book. Abby was curled in a fetal position on the couch, completely traumatized by witnessing the entire thing.

Finally, we got the boy and the house cleaned up, and both kids in bed. We know that kids sometimes just throw up, and really didn't think he was sick--it was just one of those things. When we were ready to go to bed, I went to check on Ethan. To my surprise, he was sound asleep on his floor. He is quite a squirmer when he sleeps, so I wasn't too surprised. I went to pick him up, and my hands touched not just boy, but goo. DANG it. Sure enough, he had thrown up all over his bed, then apparently just climbed onto the floor to sleep somewhere clean, so blase is my boy about regurgitating. So! Clean the boy, change his sheets, tuck him in AGAIN. We hooked up the baby monitor so we would know if anything happened during the night.

It did. Around 2 AM, I heard him whimper. Because I'm lazy like that, I poked Matt and urgently requested that he go check on Ethan. He made it halfway when I heard the heaving. Double dang. Once again, I found myself stripping my son and putting him in the bath. He was downright enjoying it. We were running out of clean pajamas and bed sheets. That marked the end of the pukefest. He's been find today, and seems to look back on last night with fond memories. He is such a boy.

I am sure glad that's over--both the actual events and recapping them. Do you know how hard it is to come up with a variety of synonyms for vomit?

10 comments:

Katrenia said...

I don't think you used the word "barf". That's my favorite. Barf is number one or two on my list of reasons not to have kids. Glad you survived!

Siobhan Dickinson said...

yes, i do know how hard it is to come up with enough synonyms for vomit... we spent last weekend in the hospital with Natalie b/c of vomit and diarrhea that every member of the family got (except for Claire) and it took Natalie an entire WEEK to stop doing that all over the floor and clothes and bed everyday!!! I feel for you and am glad it has stopped! tell everyone we said HI!

Anonymous said...

The other night, Michael was carrying Isaac on his shoulders in a parking lot, and Isaac had a small spit up ON MICHAEL'S HEAD. Of course, what did I do? I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants! Michael was around the parking lot trying not to throw up, and I was laughing hysterically trying to make sure that Isaac did not run into traffic -- it was insane!

Erin

Aidan and Zachary said...

You could use the medical term, emesis! That sounds clever. Glad you guys are back to your healthy days again.

Alice said...

I have SO been there but you are right, you don't want to relive or recap it too often. It is just plain GROSS. Giving a kid a bath in the wee early morning hours is NEVER fun (especially for a girl like me that LIKES her sleep).

Hope you guys are on the mends!

Matt said...

Wow... Thanks so much for sharing. That REALLY makes me want to have kids of my own! And I thought a puppy peeing on the carpet was bad...

Liz said...

OK, after reading the post, I have to recommend this. You MUST go get/order/whatever The Moose with Loose Poops. It's a picture book about a little moose, Miles, who gets sick while on a family camping trip. Kids love it! And of course, the story shows a caring relationship between dad and son, and all is well in the end. Your kids will love it, and so will you.

Your post reminded me, by the way, of a few months ago. We knew two girls (I have 3) didn't feel well. We're listening to the monitor and watching a movie --had JUST commented on how we dodged a bullet when stereo puking began. It was a long, long night...

AMENMom said...

Stereo puking? Ahh! That book looks funny--thanks Liz!

Cori said...

What a night... I laughed hysterically when I read your post because you have a way of turning not-so-funny things into funny things! You're a great mom!!

Melanie said...

I'm not commenting because Rachel has not thrown up yet...and I'd like to keep it that way :)